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The other being like a well rounded, damp and ripe strawberry, fresh from the fields of Wimbledon. Glancing down it was observed that she...............
 
was for some reason Lactating!"Well,roger me rigid with a rubber lamp bulb!" she quipped.This was an unexpected occurance as she..........................................
 
Whilst all this mind bogglingly relaxing banter was going on in the happy ship Liberty, ashore things were very different for the Nozzer AAC, who was panting, exhausted as he ran pointlessly up and down Dhobey Hill for the third time that week, for the class were regular natterers after 'lights-out', wearing only his boots and wondering when Dunkers would send some PJs? (Hint...). He'd had his very first Mast Class after converting the ends of his fingers to perforated blood-dabbers and he never wanted to see a needle again! The Mast was far too high - surely he wouldn't have to actually climb the thing - I mean, it was obviously ornamental, to impress visitors? His whole body was still shaking that evening when he went to bed, no manner of threats had got him more than five rungs up before he gingerly climbed back down crying: Mwwwaaaaaa! Mummmmmy!

So he was back on bedda firma (a firm bed) hiding beneath the hairy woolen blanket and dreaming of the good ship Liberty when someone farted in bed and they were all turned out to have another trot up and down the Hill. A tear ran down the Nozzer's face as he remembered the happy days in The Jolly Stoker drinking ale and watching the baerded matelots stroll by, but now he was somewhere else and he wanted to go home.

Meanwile back on board the Liberty, Andy was sharpening his Mizzen Saw for action, lest any matelots needed cutting into bits during enemy action, but that would only be when their crew had received a new batch of baby Jacks and Jennies from the G-Place.

"Land Ahoy!" shouted...............
 
Angrydoc,who was doleing out COX2 and NSAID's like they were going out of fashion.where upon the crows nest was relieved of his presence by the application of an accuratly thrown belaying pin by the ghost of Nozzy the Nozzer(who,if youre really,really pissed up you may catch the odd glimpse of),he fell on the Poop deck woth a thud and was carted off to the cockpit so the trainee lobblolly boys could practise their triangular bandage routine.Meanwhile as "Up spirits" was about to be piped.................
 
Only for another two days was that magic of all messages to be heard,
"Up spirits stand fast the Holy Ghost" for the 31st July 1970 was the last day that the 'G' was letter that meant you were not "UA" or 'T' (wash your fecking mouth out") it was like a death-nell of all that was right with the world. But we must return to the real world of sayers and sooths who know the next move which is............................
 
To discover what the fcuk is going on. Its 1492 the ship is on a heading west by west, west, when a rumour (buzz hadn`t come into the English language yet) was going around that the Deacons Daughter,after a few quaffs of ale had gone to the foc`sle with Pegleg cos he had something long and hard to show her,as they lay there behind a bag of rags,she burst into hysterical laughter,hed gone to show her his wooden leg,she, after fiddling around found his maggot and let the whole crew know,this lowered peglegs morale, it also lowered his clenched fist onto FF who was giggling at him,from behind a barrel.Now it also transpired that the Deacons Daughter,couldnt tell by the persons skin whether or not they were male or female which is why she was caught in her hammock with wompers,the crew were puzzled by this dual sexuality,and resolved to return to this problem at a later date.
Now you will remember dear reader .a long while ago there was a map that someone had signed with an X,well it so happened that when HTP altered course to West,west by west,that jack the lad shouted land ahoy from the crows nest.and said that there was an island ahead in the same shape as the map with a cross marked out in the sand,this excited Nutty who called for Dunkers to arm the crew and get the.................
 
**** out of the way of the island, for the ship was heading straight for the shore and would run aground on the sand. andym came to the rescue, as medics often do, and spun the helm randomly so that the ship turned sharply, and ended up head to wind. "Shyte" thought highthepig in Olde English, as by now the ship was being pushed astern by the wind and AAC was demonstrating some weird sexual practice with the main braces, but then......
 
A local native dressed in a leather neck collar and little else appeared on the beach. ACC and Hegs started to stare which stopped ACC's rather obscene actions with the sail braces. The trained seamen in the crew, for there were many in them far off days as the Admiralty had not thought of "OM's", seized the opportunity to guide the galleon away from the beach and release to two fwd ankers. As 'the-matelot' and 'The Punisher', for that was the names given to these ankers, hit the water a cheer went up and the crew led by Lingy burst into song. These words drifted across the silent bay.

Oh, say can you see by the dawn's early light
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming?
Whose broad stripes and bright stars thru the perilous fight,
O'er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming?
And the rocket's red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof thru the night that our flag was still there.
Oh, say does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?


The Chief Tiff was then heard to say "Oh my God, what have we done, no good can come of this place, I fear for the future of the known world" The native with the leather collar had, by this time boarded the vassal saying "My name is Yankee Bootie the 1st I am the immigration officer about these here parts if you have no valid visa's issued from an Indian Embassy then you cannot land" MAA Dunkers stepped forward, being the font of all things legal, Twatted Yankee Bootie with his Cat of Many Tails and ordered the uppity colonial to be placed in Irons. ACC and Hegs with screams of "Bondage" leaped upon Y-B and dragged him below.

The Buffer Higgy then called for volunteers to go ashore and seek out a MacDonalds in order that the FF's offerings could be avoided that night. As the 36 foot cutter only recently acquired from the HMS G-Spot, pulled away with twelve lusty men at the oars and the Deacons Daughter shouting the orders "In, Out, In ,Out Shake it all about" silence fell over the remaining crew and ..................................
 
as they drooled in anticipation of real food from Mickey D's. This was broken by a horrendous scream from the paint locker where BY1 had been clapped in irons. Dunkers, worried that he might lose his new plaything, rushed to investigate and found a mouse running over BY1's toes. On seeing this he exlaimed as only Dunkers could do.....................
 
Could it be with his next act Nutty will get his B13 and go from Old Salt to War hero. If that is the case he can be made up from AB to L/S of the folk-sale. But before you are lifted to this high office, go to the orlop deck and ensure that LSL Andyman is taking care of OD Wompers who is very sick of ..........................




PS Lo and It came to pass a War Hero
 
idiots such as Barry and joey deacon who appear to be natives of this island. who had escaped from the local Looney Bin,Dunkers dealt with them immediatley,lashed them to death and fed their corpses to the fishes,which upset FF as he rather fancied a bit of fresh meat, it was at this moment shamus the fool turned up on deck and yelled....................
 

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