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Amidst all of this day dreaming by some members of the crew, it became quite clear,after BY and his men had been debriefed,that the Planet Earth was devoid of life the only ones that remained were this illustrious crew. When the Padre was dispatched,his bible fell into the hands of the Jimmy,who discovered therein what must be done, for it said, and i quote,go forth and multiply,the jimmy looked around at the jennies and thought, fcuking hell.Mission Impossible.But there were a couple of jennies in the pot wash that Andy had not been able to completely cure of the clap.so the future of the Reg branch was secure,He promulugated in daily orders that the no touching rule was to be abolished immediately,and all the jennies threw their knickers in the air and cried,come on lads fill yer boots,now the crew ,who would normally shag anything that breathed,hesitated and demanded that the mainbrace be spliced continously,and set about to have their wicked way, apart from the Brownies who now started to put in requests,to become straight,and were being denied even that by the jimmy posting a notice that said Man Born of Man will live forever,thus proving the point that if you push hard enough ,you get pushed back even harder, it was at this moment the Buffer grabbed the Jimmy and................
 
started to quote Queens Regulations to him,whereupon the jimmy snatched his copy of The Gay Times and proceded to...................................
 
...When from down in the hangar came a roar of outrage, as BY noticed that some unscrupulous sailor had replaced his beloved USMC Silent Drill Platoon footage with one featuring a bunch of anchor-crankin', rifle-flingin' swab jockeys led by a sundodger lieutenant!!(although he had to admit they were quite good) As he now held something of a position of authority, he decided to split some wigs and stormed out only to collide with the jimmy, who was engrossed in a magazine of some sorts. after picking himself up off the deck, jimmy said......
 
Now Now young man can't you watch where you are going. BY taken aback (not literally I might add) for a moment though for a few seconds of bootneck time and after half an hour said......
 
Suddenly an announcement came over tha tannoy from none other than Admiral Nozzer himself (ahem!). He had just spent two blissful hours in the Brownies mess and he's also received a letter from his wife, who'd survived the blast with 15,000 other high falutin' persons in the civil service secret bunker beneath Nelson's Column. Politicos were NOT invited & in any event didn't know about it. All that slagging off of Crown Employees had finally been at a price! Now the civil service really DID rule the country, what was left of it, and they had appointed Lord Boyce as PM.

"Hurrah!" shouted all the sailors and sailorettes!

"Now the, er, bad news crew," said Nozzer. He wasn't sure how to say this, but out it must come as he would not be in the Andrew much longer and his brain although increasing in mass was decreasing in everything else! He'd booked an everlasting cruise into oblivion and would be setting off on his journey soon, once Randy Andy has arranged the transfer to the new Haslar Hospital for Sick Sailors (HHoSS) in a few weeks time. So out it had to come.

"Shipmates I have an announcement to make." 'Oooooh' came the response from the Brownies and Junior Jenny. The Chefs went 'Fcuk, another long boring speech' and Dunkers thought: time to make up my loss of sleep...

"It's like this," said Nozzer, "I've never told you my real name and have been using Seacat's computer and emal name to send all my messages to RR..." "He's a fcuking fraud!" shouted BY, shocked. "It's worse than that" said Nozzer. What could be worse, thought the crew??? "I was at Ganges, but I had a sex change op after leaving the Andrew and having been living as a Jenny for the past 8 years!" There was a hushed silence and a sharp intake of breath. For once the entire crew were completely gobsmacked. "So that's why you never joined the Ganges Association... and only joined the RNA as an associate member" said Nutty, deeply shocked. The brownies screamed in horror. A wo-man in their midst!!! He was expelled from their messdeck and chased all the way to the torpedo room where he was rammed into a torpedo tube and fired, unceremoniously into the oggin.

And that, as they say, was the end of NozzyNozzer, or should I now say, Miss Nozzy Nozzer! Farewell my friends, it's been nice knowing you all. Please DO NOT blame Seacat! I made him swear secrecy.

There was silence then....................
 
Junior_Jenny gushed in horror, flash backs to the Campbeltown running aground in Norway! She remembers her ever so nice CO had disappeared with out a speech, no big grand jester, no good bye, just slipped off the gang way and left the Jimmy to explain. Who would be her father figure now? She’d be lost at sea forever, and then it suddenly hit her, like a rock hurtling towards Janner’s head! Maxi is still here! To that, Junior_J wiped her eyes and carried on towards her mess with out a flinch of thought. Nozzer is such a good CO, I wonder where he would end up, or should I say ‘she’?
 
To their astonishment the Albatross that had been released a few days ago,it was the only living life stock left,as FF had scoffed everything else.returned to the ship,in its beak was a sheet of white paper,and it landed on the mighty AGs deck exhausted,Nutty picked up the paper,read it and sobbed,then handed it to higthepig ,who with tears in his eyes pinned it to the notice board,thinking to himself,was it fcuking worth it,but dear reader there will be many more tales to come,one has come to mind The Deacons Daughter,but the end of this harrowing tale has arrived, for there written on the paper was


? and underneath someone had written


Eh?
 
meanwhile Dunkers could be heard snoring, and as he awoke people were talking about some bit of paper, "say again your last?" he said.

"Sorry", said a sailor named skoot1984, I just wrote "?? ?" by mistake...
 
Chalky said:
Nuns? With a catapult? And fifteen dancing giraffes each bearing an uncanny resemblance to Tara-Bara-Wara-Banana-Rama-EU Farmer Tomkinson? Here? With a flag?

.......... at 3 in the morning with MY reputation ? !!!
 
.......... at 3 in the morning with MY reputation ? !!!

That was you in the Wrens block at Drake, dirty minx you!

In shock of how Jack could act in this sort of way, Junior_J turns to Nozzer and throws her arms around him..................

Sir! No, stay please stay!!
 
Meanwhile Maxi was doing what he did best, sitting on the bridge quietly daydreaming about his retirement on the Algarve, blissfully unaware of the enormous responsibility that had been thrust upon him by Jenny selecting him as surrogate father X, when up the voicepie came the call........
 
"Oi!Anyone on the bloody bridge?This is the Killick crusher in the Chapel,We have a situation!(BY ears pricked up and was about to add.."Houston" to the crushers comment)The Skypilots drunk all the Communion wine and has got keys to the Small Arms Store and is busy arming himself for Armaggedon!"At this Maxi felt his anus pucker with a sense of impending doom and fully aware that the shit was gonna hit the fan on HIS watch!!!!!
 

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