Register a free account today to join our community
Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site, connect with other members through your own private inbox and will receive smaller adverts!
This would never ave appened,cos we had no doors to hide behind,which took his memory back to the time on Eagle in 57 in No10 dry dock,when the shoreside heads had a wooden trough,that sloped down from the top with constant running water,got into the top trap,did what had to be done,got dressed opened door for quick escape and lit a couple of pages of newspaper,and placed in trough,legging it at a fast rate of knots,listening to the screams of pain as burning paper went beneath them and burned their bits,oh what fun he thought as he was dragged back to reality by............
The oxygen thief [Linglai] , arriving on the scene , "I'll get to the bottom of who gave me that Fxxxxxxxg nickname" even if it kill's me , just then linglai notices that Jenny is looking a little flushed , well well Jenny what you been up to sweetheart , have you been with that foxy chick who works with Dondon , Jenny gives Linglai a look that could kill at fifty yards , and say's in a croaky voice "Linglai why don't you go and !!!!!!!!!!!!!! :twisted: :roll:
Por favor, sabes que deseas a! cinco dÃ³lares aspiran aspiran :wink:
Young Junior Jenny then realised why she has been banned from speaking to the whole crew! At that moment, jenny realised she had left an eagar Stwd Wren for the taking..................a short sharp scream, reflecting here taunted pasted with Janner, Jenny gave her approval;
Don't worry Janner, the Stwd was a former japanese boy!
[disregard everything Jenny has written after....................] and read:
and doubled back in her no.8s and gaiters to grab her and stow her in her locker before any of the lads caught sight this young, voluptous blonde Yummi TÃ¶rbet (pronounced: Turbot), born of a Swedish mother and a Scottish dad (an ex boats man, naturally) who had met, naked, in a sauna and rolled in the snow together afterwards. She sounded so sexy when she said in Swedo-English:
"Jag like smorgasborg wid salty saylor spread nakko on top... Yum Yum!"
And Yummi's dad, who had a way with words had replied:
"I love a bit of Swedish flesh and your sitt are just wonderful and soft... can I sukc em?" grinning mischevously
He returned to his ship with a large red mark across his face and she returned home to momma and pappa with an engagement ring.
Anyway Junior Jenny doubled off to relocate Stwd Wren Yummi TÃ¶rbet when she collided with seventeen panting (male) Juniors, all of whom were gazing, tongues hanging out as topless TÃ¶rbet teased them playfully. They were all extremely happy, Jenny was pissed off. Then suddenly out of the blue (watch) appeared Madam Joss herself. She was not a happy bunny! How was she to punish these naughty boy sailors and Jenny? She whipped off her jacket and blouse, dropped her skirt and drawers and beckoned the smallest Junior over. He cried. The others immediately threw up, all over the galley and into the Shotley Stew......
the chef was most happy to recieve this extra seasoning to the scran in progress and hummed a tune to himself as he stirred it all in hoping that the Toffs in the wardroom wouldnt notice...................................
That the crew were holding a Sods Opera,and nutty was splicing the Mainbrace again,they all sang along withhttp://www.immortalia.com/
it took ages to sing them all,after theyd all crashed out Nutty crept in and....................
He and Dondon just happened to find Jenny and Wren Stwd yummi Torbet 's discarded panties , "Fxxxxxxxg hell" Nutty look at what we've got here , "worth a few tinnies these", Madam Joss removed her thong [excuse me while I puke] and handing them to Dondon said "can you give these to brian , he's using them as Dental Floss", Dondon put's on his latex gloves before taking Madam Joss's thong , he hand's them to Brian who has beads of sweat on his forehead , the excitement is just to much , he has to have a quick floss as soon as possible , off he trots , he Purrrrrr's in appreciation at Madam Joss's thoughtfulness , I'll have to reciprecate in some way later on , oh I know what I'll do , yes certainly I'll !!!!!!!!!!!!! :twisted: :roll: :lol:
at the same time just over the horizon was the privateer vessel "ye flatulante Cowe" skippered by Bad Co.it was piling on the revolutions all sprayers on and belching smoke like a kipper smoker on Gt Yarmouth seafront!it was on an intercept course and intent on causing maximun nause........................................
Again dear reader we must pause at this stage,It has been mentioned before that there is no need for Porn and debaunchery in this Sailors Tale, for this reflects badly on the men who use the sea,for there are sights to see ashore of greater interest, Churches,Museums,Sites of historical interest,and there may be young minds reading this tale that cannot be corrupted,indeed,there are older minds,who on reading this may look at their wives and girfriends,or even boyfriends,and think thoughts of lust and filth,and depravity,and...but i digress. A privateer vessel had been spotted through the periscope,how could this be,for there was nothing left on this earth, Nozzer decided to have a look and cried, Oh My Gawd, its BY and his motley men,surface he said,blow ballast tanks and things and slowly the mighty AG broke the surface,to collect these Heroes the paddles were now as small as toothpicks from the heroic work they had done,as they climbed on board,BY was the first to speak,saying to Nutty,where can i get a fcuk? nutty replied.......................
"I'm pissed...'old on, what the fcuk is that commotion below, cumming from the galley?!?" He spotted the sight that had made even toughy roughy Randy Andy puke... Madam Joss herself. What was to be done? But more importantly the Bad Co was sailing a pirate ship aiming to seize the AG and take her crew hostage for a massive ramsom.
But Dunkers had a cunning plan... He spotted the revolting sight of Madam Joss streaking along the deck crashing into various compartment doors as she did so leaving blood and mucus for the Juniors to scrub away as part of their punishment... Yuk! Thought Dunkers. Hig-the-Pig spotted Mummy and was shocked - he scampered up the ladder and shouted to Dunkers HELP HELP HELP. The boat rose quickly to the surface throwing Jossy onto the deck and Hig came crashing down on to of her. Ooooh, she was furious. He rushed up that ladder again, faster than Jack up a beanstalk leading to a Rum Tub, and banged on the hatch to be let out from the pink blobby mass that wobbled below like something out of Dr Who...
"My mother wouldn't behave like that!" said the Junior who had been crying earlier, JS Harry Headbanger, known as "Banger". "Nor would my mummy." said Sir Hugh Duncan Dairylea-Dunkers III Bt, but modestly (and embarassment) led him to shorten his name to plain old Dunkers. "Well my mummy does!" yelled a distraught Hig. Suddenly the hatch was released and Hig clambered out hotly pursued by Jossy. Suddenly Bad Co spotted Madam Joss swimming towards him and away for her son who was wielding a large silver crucifix. Hig-the-Pig, was of course none other than the second eldest son of the the Earl of Buckmeisterfullerine, the Honourable Hig.
"Bloody hell, it's that fcuking bicth again!" he cried. Ye flatulante Cowe suddenly turned around, but too late to avoid the enemy boarding as Madam Joss clambered aboard and her crew, in desperation, jumped into the drink!
Hig quickly rushed back, slammed the hatch shut, secured his bicycle clips properly and Dunkers ordered an immediate, emergency dive.
Out came the stiff scrubbers, pussers hard and buckets of water to wash away the corrosive, acrid mucus, before it etched away the metal and compromised the security of the vessel. Nutty appeared, pissed as a pusser, and calmed the Juniors down by telling them dits about his time at the G place, gradually diverting their attention away from their close encounter with The Alien.
The Honourable Hig appeared and looked at the stiff brushes, their bristles half devoured by mummy's alien juices, and said.............