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In my vast experience of listening to the radio waves and voice messages I think what Nutty was on about--taking the the scenario of the orgy that was about to take place across the rum tub he was refering to By and his bare credentials . Book size being about eight inches wiv the RN ratin's hand book .
Meanwhile jenny with her bare arrse cocked over the Rum Tub jumped up and covered herself hearin Nutty speaking and said you can stick yer book where the sun don't shine and ...........
 
AT this Randy was pondering,he was looking at Nutty,he was now far far wider than he was tall,randy considered an operation to attach two more legs,one at each corner,and use him for a coffee table,but these thoughts passed from his mind,beacause the rum bosn had arrived and was about to.................
 
Rushes to Junior Jenny's aid when he hears her shouting full lunged;

NAKED BARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
Just as all the Jennies got naked, all the matleots ran out clutching their feather boa's and handbags screaming "ohhhhh well I never".

Then Royal got wind of this and paid a visit to see what Jenny wanted.
 
Meanwhile the matelots had gone, flinging their pusser scarlet handbags into the drink as they went, doubling ashore and were chatting to the Royal Yachties Reception Committee. These old codgers had been holding HMS Macthingy under siege awaiting Geoff the Royal Yachties Bane to come ashore and take a twatting with nail pierced clubs, like a man! The chatting turned to chatting-up and before you knew it the ship's company were syphoning the contents of the Rum Tub ashore, from under the Rum Bosun's very nose (OK, he WAS pissed) as Junior Jenny lay over the tub with BY panting with his size 28 bats and size 8 donker... and young Nineoclockers was being cradled in the arms of Nutty and sung old naval sea shanties as the tears run down his face, a face that had yet to make any acquaintance with a razor.

One hour later a group of happy sailors and Royal Yachties were lifting each other's jackets up and dropping their trolleys and wondering what all the fuss was about. Geoff, if only he has known it, was safe, but that's another story! Five of this merry band got plastered, retrieved their handbags from the drink and had a handbag fight to the dismay of the shocked locals. One thing was certain, the next morning the Skipper would have 'em marching through Ottawa apologising to the locals!

[align=center]"Sorry Sir!"... "Sorry Madam!"... "Sorry Publican, it came off in me 'and... "[/align]

Anyway amidst all this confusion Threeoclockers head appeared with a grin of his face. He had been hiding in the Rum Tub when social services had arrived. Instead of taking him away, they'd whipped off one of the Middies who'd just come out of the shower with a white towel round his waist. As the smallest chap onboard everyone has naturally assumed he was the baby. His cries of "Fcuk off, I'm a Commissioned Piglet!" were put down to him being the son of a Jack Tar so off he went to the Ottawa Naval Home for Sprogs. Threeoclocker has evaded capture of course because as the son of a TROG he was naturally gifted: the inborn Ganges ingenuiny at self-preservation! (The Skipper thought, from the tattoo that Threeoclockers was HIS little lad, but as we shall see later, genetic tests revealled that only the tattoo came from Skips. The lad's brain came from Nineoclockers and other bits of him came from various different sailors on board HMS Macthingy.) He was wearing the key round his neck as he crawled out of the Tub and tugged what he thought was his mummy's dangling hand, as she lay over the Tub, but suddenly its owner shreaked........
 
Goldarn it,BYs face was contorted with pain,for american measures were smaller than ours, and his dong was like a babys arm holding an orange,he said through the excruciating agony,I sho do ms ma maw,and looked towards..............
 
Mecca,he remembered the days of Yashmacs and Minted Tea,the waft of Oil wells ablaze and the ever pervadeing stench of Garlic.His eyes watered and he had the 1000 yard stare.Meanwhile in the radio shack the Chief Yeo just recieved a signal regarding............
 
Nineoclockers who was by now sucking his thumb and dozing off. He'd always sucked his thumb when he was really relaxed and calm, even at Ganges*. BY opened his mouth to speak but Nutty said "Leave 'im alone! It's 'is bird you've just been mucking around with. Just wish we could give you something to make you gay."

...Just as he said this a magic genie appeared, well no actually, it was Randy Andy armed with a Queen's Size syringe filled with a pink coloured mixture and said: "I've heard Threeoclockers is getting randy, despite only being a pre-nozzer? Needs something to make him gayer until he's old enough to have a Jenny of his own. This stuff lasts for 15 years!" Speedily he stuck the thick, 4 inch long steel canula into the baby's arm holding a Terry's Chocolate Orange (unwrapped) dangling from the side of the Rum Tub, but it was neither a baby's arm nor did it belong to Threeoclockers. BY let out a scream so loud that it woke up the whole of Ottawa's night shift and registered 6.5 on the Richter scale in Yellowstone National Park's seismic monitors. Even Yogi Bear woke up, and he'd been dead for several years! The shock wave was so great the bronzed stokers aloft rolled into the cold water and could be heard cursing the Cheef Tiff.

Jenny was the first to speak. Looking at BY, she said...........



*apologies to whoever is actually pictured here - sucking his thumb - great pic
 
Again we must leave our crew ,for we must crack on apace,the ARKBOAT, had been named by the Baroness of Wails,the Baron having retired from the RN cos he was pissed off with being strangled,she named it the Indestructable,cos twas modelled on the Titanic.Its nickname beacame the ARMAGEDDON, you will see why,Never before had there been a warship with such portentous(nice word that eh?)weapons,it was a weapon of DOOM. It was towed from Glasgow under its own steam,and lay alongside in Guzz,when details were released to the press,and the media,welsh people said yakki da,scots said crivens,help my boab,the irish muttered bejaysus.olg salts said oh gosh.In the heavens God put his head in his hands and said OH MY ME.This then was the vessel which was to go on a mission,that the human mind could not conceive,it was awesome. Fate in the back ground dealt the Jack of Spades,when we return we will see the Commisioning of this ship,the fully submersible carrier, we will witness the parade and pomp and ceremoney which made the navy GREAT. meanwhile back to the crew jenny was the first to speak,looking at BY she said............
 
"I'm not the Ships Bike you know!I dont give out for just anyone!" BY started to get flashbacks of Full Metal Jacket and Gunny Sgt Hartmann!

"What is your major malfunction,Numbnuts!" he sreamed........
 
"YOU HAD BEST SQUARE YOURSELF AWAY AND START SH*TTING ME TIFFANY CUFFLINKS, OR I WILL DEFINATELY FCUK YOU UP!!!" But the evil Jenny refused to be swayed by such flattery, and he stormed off the boat to the dock turning to look back, he noticed for the first time the brand-new blue paint designed to make it invisible and blend in perfectly with the surrounding water, providing it was floating in an airliners toilet, and he wondered silently to himself: "Why didnt I join the fcuking air force"
But he knew his duty, and his duty was clear.......
 
To send Junior Jenny to the LMA for a further consultancy over her mental health; although it was a good idea to mix in the young blooded lass, being 'press ganged' into the 3ZA mess games seemed to send her over the edge.

The duty LMA was slightly bewildered at her thoughts, burning any man who looked at her whilst sleeping was slightly worrying! However, the thought young Jenny tied up and unable to harm the Queen’s senior service did strike as a good idea. He wondered into the CPO|(MA)’s office, pulled up and pew and continued with…………………..
 
"How many hands has she slept with?" His brow was now deeply furrowed, as you'd expect from an experienced Chief who'd joined up at a place called HMS St.Vincent and risen from the lowest ranks to Chiefy, but would rise no higher. "Most of the hands are gay, correct? So which hands have handled Junior Jenny and need checking for VD?" LMA Yong looked concerned. Chiefy continued "And when have the ships company last seen 'What you should know about VD?' I've brought a copy of it over to play one evening, perhaps during Nine O'Clockers? What do you think?". LMA Yong's face turned green and he disappeared being replaced by BY who was being affected by the magic pink misture Randy Andy had injected into him. He grabbed Chief and kissed him on the lips. "Gerroff!" shouted Chiefy, horrified. What would wifey say if she found out, either the one in Edgebaston or, er, the one in Singers! BY said "What's wrong mate?" Chiefy replied.................
 

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