Navy Net - Royal Navy Community

Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!

2012 Darwin Awards

janner

MIA
Book Reviewer
Nominee No. 1: [ San Jose Mercury News]:
An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend’s windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.

Nominee No. 2: [ Kalamazoo Gazette]:
James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of Alamo MI, was killed in March as he was trying to repair what police describe as a "farm-type truck." Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a highway while Burns hung underneath so that he could ascertain the source of a troubling noise. Burns' clothes caught on something, however, and the other man found Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft."

Nominee No. 3: [ Hickory Daily Record]:
Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December in Newton NC . Awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson 38 Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear.

Nominee No. 4: [UPI, Toronto ]:
Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of windows in a downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane with his shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto Dominion Bank Tower early Friday evening as he was explaining the strength of the buildings windows to visiting law students. Hoy previously has conducted demonstrations of window strength according to police reports. Peter Lawson, managing partner of the firm Holden Day Wilson, told the Toronto Sun newspaper that Hoy was "one of the best and brightest" members of the 200-man association. A person has to wonder what the dimmer members of this law firm are like.

Nominee No. 5: [The News of the Weird]:
Michael Anderson Godwin made News of the Weird posthumously. He had spent several years awaiting South Carolina 's electric chair on a murder conviction before having his sentence reduced to life in prison. While sitting on a metal toilet in his cell attempting to fix his small TV set, he bit into a wire and was electrocuted.

Nominee No. 6: [The Indianapolis Star]:
A cigarette lighter may have triggered a fatal explosion in Dunkirk IN. A Jay County man, using a cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a muzzleloader, was killed Monday night when the weapon discharged in his face, sheriff's investigators said. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his parents' rural Dunkirk home at about 11:30 PM. Investigators said Pryor was cleaning a 54-caliber muzzle-loader that had not been firing properly. He was using the lighter to look into the barrel when the gunpowder ignited.

Nominee No. 7: [Reuters, Mississauga , Ontario ]:
A man cleaning a bird feeder on the balcony of his condominium apartment in this Toronto suburb slipped and fell 23 stories to his death. "Stefan Macko, 55, was standing on a wheelchair when the accident occurred," said Inspector Darcy Honer of the Peel Regional Police. "It appears that the chair moved, and he went over the balcony," Honer said.

Finally, THE WINNER!!!: [ Arkansas Democrat Gazette]:
Two local men were injured when their pickup truck left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday. Woodruff County deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc, and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock , were returning to Des Arc after a frog-catching trip. On an overcast Sunday night, Poole 's pickup truck headlights malfunctioned.

The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older-model truck had burned out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that the .22 caliber bullets from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the steering-wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet the headlights again began to operate properly, and the two men proceeded on eastbound toward the White River Bridge .

After traveling approximately 20 miles, and just before crossing the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged and struck Poole in the testicles. The vehicle swerved sharply right, exited the pavement, and struck a tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident but will require extensive surgery to repair the damage to his testicles, which will never operate as intended.

Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and released. "Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his balls off, or we might be dead," stated Wallis

"I've been a trooper for 10 years in this part of the world, but this is a first for me. I can't believe that those two would admit how this accident happened," said Snyder.

Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia ( Poole 's wife) asked how many frogs the boys had caught and did anyone get them from the truck? Though Poole and Wallis did not die as a result of their misadventure as normally required by Darwin Award Official Rules, it can be argued that Poole did in fact effectively remove himself from the gene pool.










 

Seadog

War Hero
Moderator
A friend of mine who is a former friend of Toronto birdman / bird brain Gary Hoy will tell you that Hoy hit the ground years ago. He was an instant Darwin candidate.

How about some new ones?

Grumble.
 
Last edited:

Seadog

War Hero
Moderator
Oh and your winner first appeared in 1996 and has long since been discredited. Even without a 2 word 'google' I did wonder when 'deputy Snyder' referred to himself as a trooper.

So Janner, did you pull these 'greatest hits ' out of your arrse or did someone spoof you ?

Mind you there was a 9 year old thread resurrection on ARRSE the other day. Must be the hot weather.
 
Thread starter Similar threads Forum Replies Date
soleil Defence Committee - 8th Report - MoD Annual Report and Accounts 2012-2013 Current Affairs 0
soleil Public Accounts C'tee: Carrier Strike: The 2012 Reversion Decision The Fleet 15
MoD_RSS News story: 2012 Annual Human Rights and Democracy Report MoD News 1
MoD_RSS Statement to Parliament: 2012 Annual Human Rights and Democracy Report MoD News 0
MoD_RSS News story: UK funding to Yemen 2012 - 2015 MoD News 0
soleil Commons' Defence Committee Report On Defence Acquisition 2012-2013 Current Affairs 0
soleil National Audit Office - Defence Major Projects Report 2012 Current Affairs 0
Sumo Last day of 2012 Diamond Lil's 12
Ageing_Gracefully Last book competition of 2012 - SWORD AT SUNSET Competitions 17
soleil HMS Westminster - Martin Lewis Money Show - ITV1 - Tuesday, December 11th 2012 The Fleet 1
soleil BBC1 - 9pm - 06/12/2012 - Who Do You Think You Are? History 4
soleil The Naval Engineer, Autumn 2012 The Fleet 6
Ageing_Gracefully Christmas draw 2012 Competitions 21
Blackrat Rum Ration 2012 Awards Diamond Lil's 104
Naval_Families_Federation NFF e-update: November/December 2012 Current Affairs 0
soleil Fleet Bridge Card - November 2012 The Fleet 0
janner Cenotaph 11th November 2012 Submariners 0
soleil BBC1 - The One Show - Friday, 9th November 2012 - RM Band The Corps 1
finknottle Commando 999 Speed March in London 10th Nov 2012 The Corps 1
Ageing_Gracefully ENDEAVOUR PRESS NEWSLETTER - 17 October 2012 The Book Club 1
soleil Military History Channel - 23rd October 2012 - "Officers And Gentlemen" Bases / Shore Est 22
soleil Fleet Bridge Card September 2012 The Fleet 0
Naval_Families_Federation NFF e-update September/October 2012 Current Affairs 0
Ninja_Stoker Unspent convictions - Legal Aid, Sentencing and Punishment of Offenders Act 2012 Joining Up - Royal Navy Recruiting 0
Ageing_Gracefully Endeavour Press 5 September 2012 The Book Club 0
Naval_Families_Federation NFF e-update July/August 2012 Current Affairs 0
S RM Band Service Reunion Weekend 2012 Social & Reunions 0
T HMS LOWESTOFT Reunion 2012 Social & Reunions 0
soleil Eric's Tales Of The Sea - RN Submarine Museum - July 19th 2012 Submariners 0
WreckerL Christmas Stiff list 2012 Diamond Lil's 68
MoD_RSS Royal Marine makes judo squad for London 2012 Current Affairs 2
soleil Uniform To Work Day - Wednesday 27 June 2012 Royal Naval Reserve (RNR) 22
soleil Peregrine Trophy 2012 - The Royal Navy's Annual Photographic Competition Current Affairs 18
soleil RMA: Operation Commando - October 2012 The Corps 0
soleil Cricket - Interservices Twenty20 Trophy - 19th June 2012 Sports and Adventure Training 1
soleil Royal Navy Awards In The Queen's Birthday Honours List 2012 Current Affairs 9
MG Maniac New French Motoring requirement 1st July 2012 Travel & The Great Outdoors 2
soleil HMS Sultan Summer Show 2012 - 16th/17th June 2012 Bases / Shore Est 4
soleil Channel 5 - Tuesday, 05 June 2012 - 19:00 - War Hero In My Family The Corps 0
soleil RNAS Yeovilton Air Day 2012 - Saturday, 23 June 2012 The Fleet Air Arm 14
soleil TwoSix TV: May Edition 2012 The Fleet 4
soleil Royal Marines Musical Spectacular - 6th & 7th June 2012 The Corps 1
O RAdm Steve Ritchie 1914-2012 Current Affairs 0
soleil HMS Collingwood Open Day 2012 Cancelled Due To The Weather Bases / Shore Est 3
soleil The One Show, Live From RNAS Culdrose - Friday, May 18th 2012 - 1900-2000 The Fleet Air Arm 29
soleil Royal Navy And Royal Marines Rates Of Pay From April 2012 UPO 0
BillyNoMates Order early for Christmas 2012. Diamond Lil's 0
Tricky Hms Raleigh - 28th October 2012 Joining Up - Royal Navy Recruiting 6
Ageing_Gracefully Free Kindle books - 21 April 2012 The Book Club 0
soleil Radio 4 - The Reunion, HMS Sheffield - Sunday April 15th 2012 - 11:15 History 0
Similar threads


















































Top