What's it like on board.

[BuggerAll]

Please forgive a visit by a pongo but a, errr, friend may be taking a trip with Grey Funnel Lines and I'm wondering what life on board is like.

I gather it will be on one of our larger aircraft carriers...

Anyway what's it like?

Is working dress acceptable in the Wardroom?

Is there a NAAFI for buying toothpaste and sweets etc?

What happens if my trainers fall to bits, can I buy new ones?

Is there a gym?

Is there JPA?

Is there internet access?

Is there a decent stock of books and DVDs?

Are there any welfare phones?

How do you address the Captain of the ship? (He is a Commander - In the Army officers usually call officers of Lt Col and above by their generic rank - Colonel, General etc. So do yuo call him Commander or Captain or Skipper - bit chippy that but...)

Apologies if the questions appear a bit naive but I have absolutely no info - even the kit list is a HERRICK list with HERRICK crossed out.

[WreckerL]

Please forgive a visit by a pongo but a, errr, friend may be taking a trip with Grey Funnel Lines and I'm wondering what life on board is like.

I gather it will be on one of our larger aircraft carriers... We haven't got any!

Anyway what's it like?

Is working dress acceptable in the Wardroom? A grunter will be able to answer that better than I

Is there a NAAFI for buying toothpaste and sweets etc? Yes

What happens if my trainers fall to bits, can I buy new ones? Dunno

Is there a gym? Sort of

Is there JPA? Yes

Is there internet access? Yes but not very good I believe

Is there a decent stock of books and DVDs? Possibly

Are there any welfare phones? No

How do you address the Captain of the ship? (He is a Commander - In the Army officers usually call officers of Lt Col and above by their generic rank - Colonel, General etc. So do yuo call him Commander or Captain or Skipper - bit chippy that but...) Sir although shipmate or shippers is the norm.

Apologies if the questions appear a bit naive but I have absolutely no info - even the kit list is a HERRICK list with HERRICK crossed out.

Answered what I can but I was a sundodger so probably wrong on most apart from how to address the skipper (you can also call him/her "skips" as well)

[sgtpepperband]

Does you friend like anal sex?

If not, he's gonna hate Fridays...

[BuggerAll]

Does you friend like anal sex?

If not, he's gonna hate Fridays...

Whatever... As long as there is no kissing or commitment involved.

[stan_the_man]

Whatever... As long as there is no kissing or commitment involved.

There absolutely must be kissing and the odd packet of fags (forgive the pun) thrown in after his arse as been rodgered so it has the appearance of a torn overcoat sleeve. And never allow him to bend down in the shower if he has dropped the soap!!

[Montigny-La-Palisse]

I had written a long and comprehensive reply which was both witty and informative. Unfortunately, Dii spazzed when I tried to submit it and I can't be arsed to do write it again.

Hope that helps.


P.S. We're going to bum you.

[BuggerAll]

There absolutely must be kissing and the odd packet of fags (forgive the pun) thrown in after his arse as been rodgered so it has the appearance of a torn overcoat sleeve. And never allow him to bend down in the shower if he has dropped the soap!!

Meanwhile back on planet reality. Now that we've done all the bottom puns...

[Naval_Gazer]

My information might be a bit out of date but this was the routine in HMS Massive:

• Working dress was quite acceptable in the snack bars and coffee shops in the shopping mall.
• As in the the Royal Yacht, we dressed for dinner in the wardroom and cocktail hour was 1800 to 1900. The smoking of cigars, pipes and cigarettes was only allowed in the forward ante-room except after mess dinners.
• My steward attended to my shopping needs if I provided him with a list.
• What are trainers? Are they the same as Physical Training Instructors?
• The gymnasium was adjacent to the main swimming pool on 6 deck.
• JPA? We had several embarked FAA squadrons but no civil airlines.
• There was no internet but my steward collected and delivered post and laundry each morning.
• Books were available from the ship's library. I think we had to report to the PMO about DVDs.
• I don't know about 'welfare' phones but we certainly had sound-powered telephones.
• As the Massive was such a big ship, I never met the Captain during my five years on board so I never had to call him anything.

[sgtpepperband]

BuggerAll: Your friend. On board HMS Massive. Next Friday.

[BuggerAll]

My friend won't be dressing like a Naval Rating even while floating about on the high seas. Standards!