Welcome to Navy Net

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial naval community.

Register now (free) to join in and remove this advertising

Page 1 of 4 123 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 38
Like Tree1Likes
Discuss The Phantom in Diamond Lil's on Navy Net; Every ship has one, a stealy eyed rating (or officer) who leaves poo in random places. Who knows where the Phantom will strike next? Outside the Skipper's cabin perhaps? Or maybe in your oppo's bats ...
  1. #1
    Senior Member 2_deck_dash's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Getting high on paint fumes in the focsle locker
    Posts
    5,477
    Images
    1

    The Phantom

    Every ship has one, a stealy eyed rating (or officer) who leaves poo in random places.

    Who knows where the Phantom will strike next? Outside the Skipper's cabin perhaps? Or maybe in your oppo's bats or cap?

    Once I was carrying out a set of WE rounds during the middle and I went into a compartment and all was well. As I left the compartment I slipped over in a freshly placed nugget that had not been there just 2 minutes earlier, the Phantom had struck again. I looked around for the culprit but he had vanished into thin air.

    No one is safe from him it seems and now he has struck again, at my civilian place of work. The dirty cnut has been wrapping Cleveland Steamers up in bog paper and hiding them behind the radiator.

    It is only a matter of time until the Chairman opens his desk drawer to find a solidified log festering within.

    Personally I reckon it is the ex bootneck who works here.

    Spin your Phantom dits here:
    One cannot begin to fathom the immensity of the **** I do not give.

    http://i576.photobucket.com/albums/s...OCK09/gdar.gif

  2. #2
    Senior Member Alfacharlie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Getting Threaders With Civvy Street!
    Posts
    679

    Re: The phantom

    During baltops, the phantom used strike on the ladders outside the wrens mess. It used to cheer me up on the way to the flying brief seeing the aftermath of wrens covering faces and nearly crying.

    All respect to the phantom.

  3. #3
    Senior Member stan_the_man's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    In the bowels of the Earth
    Posts
    1,914

    Re: The phantom

    Quote Originally Posted by Alfacharlie
    During baltops, the phantom used strike on the ladders outside the wrens mess. It used to cheer me up on the way to the flying brief seeing the aftermath of wrens covering faces and nearly crying.

    All respect to the phantom.
    Phantom shitter on BRISTOL used seal one end of an empty toilet roll then shit in it and place it under the loo seat, next occupant would drop his kecks sit down on the seat and out would pop the brown admiral straight into his knicks only got caught once - bastard!!

    The son of an illegal immigrant asks his dad, "Dad, what's democracy?"
    "Well, son, that's when the British work and we get all the benefits from it!"
    "But Dad, aren't the British people unhappy about that?"
    "They sure are son, but that's called 'racism.'"

  4. #4
    Senior Member X.R.D's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Posts
    2,938

    Re: The phantom

    Quote Originally Posted by stan_the_man
    Quote Originally Posted by Alfacharlie
    During baltops, the phantom used strike on the ladders outside the wrens mess. It used to cheer me up on the way to the flying brief seeing the aftermath of wrens covering faces and nearly crying.

    All respect to the phantom.
    Phantom shitter on BRISTOL used seal one end of an empty toilet roll then shit in it and place it under the loo seat, next occupant would drop his kecks sit down on the seat and out would pop the brown admiral straight into his knicks only got caught once - bastard!!
    PMSL

  5. #5
    Senior Member Alfacharlie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Getting Threaders With Civvy Street!
    Posts
    679

    Re: The phantom

    Fcuking genius!!

  6. #6
    Senior Member 2_deck_dash's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Getting high on paint fumes in the focsle locker
    Posts
    5,477
    Images
    1

    Re: The phantom

    Although I wasn't there at the time, it has been recounted to me that on HMS Newcastle, the Phantom's antics were so proliferous that in a vain attempt to put a stop to his reign of terror, the XO ordered the removal of the doors from each of the traps in the JR's heads.

    A few days went by with the lads having to shit in zero privacy. This merely angered the Phantom more and he upped his game, targeting the XO in particular, leaving presents in his cap and the like. Eventually the Phantom was so threaders he removed the doors from the Wardroom heads and threw them in the oggin.

    Within days the Jimmy had put the doors in the JR's heads back, minus two for the Weirdroom.

    Since the ship was on ops on Sierra Leone at the time and ended up diverting to the Gulf, the deployment became forever known as the 'two wars and no bog doors' trip.
    One cannot begin to fathom the immensity of the **** I do not give.

    http://i576.photobucket.com/albums/s...OCK09/gdar.gif

  7. #7
    Senior Member stan_the_man's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    In the bowels of the Earth
    Posts
    1,914

    Re: The phantom

    It was rumoured that the same tw*t used to have a posh wank in a johhny then leave the fecker hanging on the inside of the shithouse door so when you closed the door and shut the latch you got a gert handful of cold jizz makes me gag now thinkin about it

    The son of an illegal immigrant asks his dad, "Dad, what's democracy?"
    "Well, son, that's when the British work and we get all the benefits from it!"
    "But Dad, aren't the British people unhappy about that?"
    "They sure are son, but that's called 'racism.'"

  8. #8
    Senior Member type42stoker's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Birmingham
    Posts
    1,541
    Images
    6

    Re: The phantom

    HMS Kent (the GMD not they type 23) the phantom curled on down in my "starboard" steaming boot. Trouble was I didn't notice until I put my boots on......
    His other trick was to wrap one up in a rag, replace the rag in the rag bin and leave it for some unsuspecting stoker to grab.
    Where ignorance predominates, vulgarity invariably asserts itself.
    http://www.thosewhofell.co.uk/thosewhofell.gif

    quod me non interficit, me fortiorem facit

  9. #9
    Senior Member 2_deck_dash's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Getting high on paint fumes in the focsle locker
    Posts
    5,477
    Images
    1

    Re: The phantom

    Quote Originally Posted by type42stoker
    HMS Kent (the GMD not they type 23) the phantom curled on down in my "starboard" steaming boot. Trouble was I didn't notice until I put my boots on......
    His other trick was to wrap one up in a rag, replace the rag in the rag bin and leave it for some unsuspecting stoker to grab.
    Good drills!
    One cannot begin to fathom the immensity of the **** I do not give.

    http://i576.photobucket.com/albums/s...OCK09/gdar.gif

  10. #10
    Member Pussers_Blue's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    Fathom's up a tramp.
    Posts
    72

    Re: The phantom

    Quote Originally Posted by stan_the_man
    It was rumoured that the same tw*t used to have a posh wank in a johhny then leave the fecker hanging on the inside of the shithouse door so when you closed the door and shut the latch you got a gert handful of cold jizz makes me gag now thinkin about it
    Mid-80's, AB (M) named S****y took over for his LifeBuoy Spook trick on the Ark's Quarterdeck, and the lad he relieved went along to a berthing bay and done a comm's check with him. S****y then proceeded to put a sperm-filled phone earpiece to his ear. The lad he'd relieved had cracked one off into the thing, the dirty bástard.

    I felt sick when I heard about it.
    Sidey's, Tat's & Steaming Bat's.

Page 1 of 4 123 ... LastLast

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •