My missus is a bit like a walking service certificate, in that she not only remembers my misdemeanors, but can actually give accurate dates, and then break that down to time and place.
So during an argument, she will make an accusation such as "you used that disgusting word at me before." "When?.... When did I ever say that?"
"2ND of December 1997 at *****'s party just before eleven. "Don't you remember?"
I can't remember fucking 1997 period.

She never has a sense of humour when I transgress although as she is ex mob if its an oppo doing the same crime, she then see's the humour. Sunday night my latest crime.
I'm in the living room rear of house.
Off said room there is a small porch and then the garden. The toilet on the other hand is twenty thousand miles up a corridor at the front.
Bit of a drink, well ok,... a lot of a drink, and a sandwich containing some dead Vikings socks,.. really foul, need to honk quick.
Open the back door and throw it up like a friggin heaving line.
Poxy cat gets pebbledash and runs in the bastard house and lay down on her feet.

Off * caps

What's your Domestic DO like?
_________________
Joined before the "Dead sea" had reported sick.
Roll on the Rodney, Repulse or Renown,
This two funnelled bastard,
Is getting me down.

A photographic memory, unless it's her own transgressions.
"You swamped the new(ish) couch..."
"You fell asleep when my Mother was speaking to you..."
Etc etc etc
Rank Has Its Privilages rears it's ugly head even in civvy street.
_________________
It takes 72 muscles to frown...but only 4 to raise a middle finger.

Conversations usually adhere to the following format, on completion
of the days Job-Chits:

"OYYYY F**K-NUTS! You did THAT before THIS and you should've been
doing THIS before you did THAT, and anyway, you didn't do THIS quick
enough, and THOSE will have to be done again as well as THESE, THEM,
THAT and THOSE - because I wanted THOSE put THERE before you shifted
THAT and I told you YESTERDAY not to move THEM anywhere because
THEY should go with THAT, THESE, and THOSE and THEN you can do THAT
again before THE OTHER and THEY are all wrong so THEY will have to
go with THEM, THIS, THAT and THE OTHER. And when you've finished
doing THAT, THESE, THEM, THOSE and THESE, then the other THEYS,
THOSE, THATS and THEMS can can all be done again because you're
f***ing useless and I could have done all THAT in five f***ing MINUTES!"





My brain is still hurting.
_________________
Posts on these Forums will cost £5 per second from a landline and a f***ing sight more from a mobile. (Maximum duration - 3 hours). All posts will be charged at the maximum rate and all winners will be notified within 11 years of the end of the competition. There will be no winners. Terms & Conditions apply. Obtain permission from a Moderator before attacking your keyboard.

Couldn't tell you what mine is like but the moaning did stop after I buried her at the end of the garden...........

When Mrs Rodgers goes into Elephant mode and starts to recite times and dates of my past transgressions.
I find a quick, Are Go And Have A Bun,said out the corner of the mouth usually,but not always shuts her up.
Am known at the fracture clinic by my first name.
_________________
I will see you all when I get back on board around Christmas time,I know this as I overheard the Skipper say,It will be a long dark night before he comes back on board this ship!!!!

They are a pain in the arse.
If she didn't ditch gash one night by the next night i would have forgoten.
If i didnt ditch gash one night all fcuking hell breaks loose for initially a week but recalled with venom along with anything else i do wrong for at least a year.
She forgets so easy the time she got drunk and started crying over anyone who would listen spewing up all over the fcuking toilet then getting a right shitty on with me for sweet fcuk all.
but woah betide me if i have 1 extra pint after the match is finished on a sunday.
FCUKING TROUTS THE LOT OF EM.
_________________
In the beginning GOD Created Submariners. Submariners Created Submarines and Submarines Created the Brotherhood.
Stokers, Rest your Shifters

BREVIOR SALTARE CUM DEFORMIBUS EST VITA

When Mrs S_S marks 1 & 2 started with the 'selective memory' I would fcuk off to the pub, simples.
_________________

-
Political correctness
A doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical, liberal minority, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end

I get this shite from missus 2_Deck sometimes.

I usually just tell her to fcuk off and go to the pub with my Dad, turning my phone off in the process.

When I eventually arrive home absolutely steaming, she is usually so relieved that I am not lying dead in the gutter that all is forgiven.

Any other time she gobs off, I just remind her of when she got so shitfaced that I had to carry her home covered in sick.
_________________
Shit dits sink ships.

^ THIS.